I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
