You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
