Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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