He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
