Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
