So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
