I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
