I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
