the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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