So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
