I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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