you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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