How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize