You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
