You're so nebulous sometimes
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
