I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
