think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
