I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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