is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
