And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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