Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
