Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
