I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
