just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
