About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
