i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
