...so i touched it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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