I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
