i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
