She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize