whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Randomize
