Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
