he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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