i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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