and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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