i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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