Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
