This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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