do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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