Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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