He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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