girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
