I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
