I could make wine with my vomit
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
