I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
