Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
