It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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