Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
