You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize