Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
