we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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