please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think a kid would responsible me up
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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