I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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