i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize