My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize