Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Randomize
