the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
