omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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