mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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