my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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