Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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