I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
