I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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