he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
