you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
