Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize