i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize