Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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