We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
