I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
