Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
