I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
