think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
