Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
