Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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