I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
