I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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