We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
