They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
