so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
