Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
