Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
