At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
